Blindfolded

I'm sad to say that I've been known to hold a few stereotypes over the heads of others. As much as I despise that I have done this in the past, it's just one more crummy quality that I share with society. Some stereotypes that we continue to keep strong were started years ago and in most cases, I have no idea why. For my own personal demons, it's my past experiences that have kept me blindfolded, letting certain stereotypes stay in the forefront of my mind.

For those of you that know me, you know that I am bi-racial. My mother is white and my father is black. They had a very tumultuous relationship and my father was not the best of husbands. I held onto a lot of hurt following my parents divorce and throughout the years, I have had a difficult time re-connecting with my father's side of the family. Also, it didn't help that I grew up in a very tiny town, where variety wasn't the spice of life. We were one of the only families that were of another ethnicity. I didn't have the opportunity to grow up around my family's Caribbean culture and find that even now I am struggling to fit in.

It's been hard for me to let go of some of my poor opinions of my father. I love my father but he has never been a trustworthy man in my eyes. I find that I've been wearing a heavy coat of armour because of that. I've always had a difficult time trusting and respecting a man that resembles my father at all. I realize that I've categorized black men in general. Did I think it would be easier to stay blindfolded all my life? To ignore any man that fell into that category? Have I been selling everyone short?

In some cases, I think it was easier for me to ignore. To the gents out there that kiss your teeth; I don't feel that that's a proper greeting. For those of you that think your jeans should sit at your knees; I think you look ridiculous. These things just don't float my boat and have added fuel to the fire. I don't think that will ever change.

But, it turns out that I let my guard down and someone slipped through a crack in my armour. This Jouster made me open my eyes just a little wider. Wide enough for me to realize how closed off I had been. Wide enough for me to realize that I can't judge a book by it's cover. Thank you Jouster. Not just for the nice dinner but for the long deserved kick to my ass. I hope you continue to prove me wrong.

Until next time

What ever happened to You Know Who?

Just last week my girlfriends and I went out and happened to run into one of my friends old flames. We were in shock. Not from the awkward conversation but by his transformation. The once super cute guy had lost his fit body, shaved his head and grew a handle bar mustache. Needless to say, he was a little underwhelming for us. Seeing him channel a tinier version of Hulk Hogan got me thinking about my own exes. What ever happened to them?

So, I had to search and in some cases thank goodness for social media. My serious past partners were easier to find; married with children, long term girlfriend with children, long term girlfriend, and still not ready for commitment. Somehow my earlier partners had all settled down and were making mini versions of themselves. Over the years, my partners apparently became a little unstable, insecure and just plain wacky :S Unfortunately, it turns out that I can put most of my relationships in the latter categories!

What if I had been the girl who had always dreamed of the perfect husband and 2.5 children? Would I still be living in a small town? Would I have settled down by now, driving a mini van and picking out a collie dog? Would I be happy?

Well, if I had, I would have missed one hell of a good run! I have no regrets, just learning experiences. My experiences have helped me grow and they continue to make me stronger. I'm confident in myself and I will just have to wait it out until I can find someone that channels my own Mr. Right.

Till next time

Hiatus

Welcome back to Me! It turns out I've been on a hiatus. Not somewhere getting zen with nature or a hiatus from being single. Just a hiatus from my blog. The big year I had envisioned for myself has had its ups and downs. I've decided to get back on track. Call it Fall Cleaning if you will! I'm going to tackle my blog and everything else on my to do list.

No more pushing and pulling myself to fit the needs of others. Nope. This is my time. For my goals and dreams. My own adventures. It's time to get a little selfish and be a lot of Single in the City!

~~For all of my past, present and future gents:

If you feel that you bear any resemblance to the guys in my blog, it's because you do! Thanks for sparking my interest and my creativity.~~

Till next time

Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride

I’ve always been dead set on the idea of not walking down the aisle.  I always thought I would be happy just having someone that I really connect with in my life.  I don’t really need the expense of a wedding and a piece of paper to say “I Love You”.  I guess that stems from the lack of cute old couples in my life, but that’s how I’ve always felt; that I’m just not the marrying kind. 

Ahh, but something happened last week that warmed the cockles of my marriageless heart.  A dear friend asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.  When she popped the question to me I balled like an overgrown baby.  These were not sobs and wails of wedding fear and revulsion, but tears of joy.  Out of all honesty, I am truly honoured and excited to support her along the way.  So, when she asked if I would attend a bridal show with her over the weekend, I was more than ecstatic to join in on the experience.  But, during the days leading up to the show, I was wondering to myself if I was going to catch the Spring Fever, just by attending!  Was I going to be one of the girls, like all of my friends growing up that envisioned her wedding day, a prince charming and a white picket fence?

Well, the answer is NO.  I went, I saw and I conquered.  I think I was a pretty supportive bridesmaid, got my makeup done and ate some cupcakes.  It was overall a great day!  I was more excited about the idea of my friend’s wedding and looking hot in my future bridesmaid’s dress, that sitting back and daydreaming about my own fantasy wedding didn’t really cross my mind.  I had one moment of thinking about my own wedding day when I saw a great vintage inspired gown, but I think that that just has to do with my love of vintage couture.

I may not be the marrying kind but if it ever comes up in the future or yours for that matter, I’ll be full of ideas and wedding advice.  That’s what happens when you’re always a bridesmaid and never a bride.  I think I can handle it.

Till next time

Mr. Perfect

  The more we grow as individuals, the more we realize what is important to us in a potential partner and for us in a relationship.  I’ve heard over the years and have experienced for myself that having a ‘list’ can be beneficial.  Figuring out what is a must helps for us to narrow down our Mr. Perfect.

  When I was 19, it was a must for my potential partner to make me laugh, have a car, like going to concerts and to be able to stay up all night to bar hop and dance.  That’s what I remember.  Things have defiantly changed!  A partner with humour is still a must on my list.  A love for music is very important.  A partner with a car, isn't really so necessary.  And well, I no longer bar hop.   

  It’s important to look at where you are now in your life and who will compliment and grow with you.  Everyone should have a list.  I’m not talking about writing out a list of 50 must haves including eye colour, astrological signs and the status of ones abdominals, but a list of characteristics that are important to you.  Which are the characteristics that are definite have not’s?  Which ones are must haves?  And which characteristics would be a nice bonus?

  During my dating experiences, I’ve learned about which traits and characteristics are my must haves and have not’s.  For me, my list is as follows;

Have Not’s:  I can’t stand someone who; is rude, doesn’t take responsibility for his own actions, is petty, self-centered, undependable and always thinks of himself as the victim. 

Must Haves:  I need someone who; will make me laugh, that will communicate, that is willing to take a risk and try something new, has a passion, that is confident and driven and that has patience when life gives us ups and downs.

Bonuses:  I’d be even happier if; he can cook (because I can’t!), enjoys live music, is interested in travelling together, loves animals and has a smile that’s contagious.

  When you write out your own list, it helps you to realize what is actually important for you in a potential partner.  Your list will always be changing as you continue to grow as an individual, but you’ll see that some of the characteristics on your list will never waiver.  Look for someone that carries those traits.  He’ll be the one that you’ve been looking for.  Hopefully he’ll be your Mr. Perfect.  Happy hunting ladies!

Till next time

Band-itis

This weekend, a girlfriend and I went out to see a live show.  It's one of my favourite things to do here in the city.  I love checking out new bands and discovering a new love for music every time I'm out.  You can literally find a venue every night of the week that's offering a show.  This is one of the amazing things about Toronto.  This is also how you can get a bad case of what my girlfriends and I like to call, Band-itis.

The band we saw on Friday night, we had seen once before.  You can't helped but get sucked into the lead singer's vocals.  Because of that, you start your day dreaming.  He's a lead singer with stage presence and a great voice...and he's right in front of you!  You get the happy excitement and you can't seem to pull your eyes off of the stage.  This is a case of Band-itis.

It doesn't have to be the lead singer.  If there's a relatively cute guy rocking out on stage, I can't help myself!  He may be the bassist or the drummer.  Heck, I've even had Band-itis once for a cello player.  A man with talent is appealing to every lady out there.  It means he's perfected something and committed the time to becoming better at his skill.  This is a plus in my eyes.  But, for a guy that has mastered a musical instrument, that's just hot!  A guy with such a passion for music and the bit of 'I'm in charge' badass-ness it brings, is what creates the Band-itis.  Next time your out at a show, get lost in the music.  Really enjoy the atmosphere and the band.  If the band is good, you'll feel their passion on stage.  That's when you'll feel the rush.

Now, some band mates are going to be unattainable, like the above mentioned vocalist, or may have a cult following that you won't be able to break through.  But keep in mind, your at a live show.  Everyone there has a love for live music.  I bet you that the guy sitting at the table next to yours, has at one time or another in his life, played the guitar.  If not, hopefully he'll start taking lessons!

Till next time

Welcome to MY dating world!

If you're young and single, you know what it's like to date in the city.  I love Toronto.  I've called Toronto my home for nearly a decade.  I love that there's so much to do in every pocket of the city.  I've moved a total of 7 times while living here and every neighbourhood has something new to offer.  It's hard to pinpoint a favourite.  I feel the same way about the men that have been in my life.

As I write this, I realize that the prowl that singledom brings is just like searching for a new apartment.  Once your bored or you need a new view from your bedroom window, you start the search again.  You feel like you need something shiny and new or at least a fresh coat of paint.  I've had some interesting years on the dating scene.  Some being filled with little flings and others being in committed long term relationships.  None of them really filled what I thought my needs were.  They each had something to offer, but not quite enough of what I really needed at the time. 

It isn't until you can narrow down your search and pinpoint the neighbourhood of your dreams. that you can decide where you really want to put down roots.  Over time, our lists get longer and our needs are more specific.  That right there is the problem.  It's way too hard to find that perfect man.  He's not posted on ViewIt, like the apartment down the street. 

Till next time