Blindfolded

I'm sad to say that I've been known to hold a few stereotypes over the heads of others. As much as I despise that I have done this in the past, it's just one more crummy quality that I share with society. Some stereotypes that we continue to keep strong were started years ago and in most cases, I have no idea why. For my own personal demons, it's my past experiences that have kept me blindfolded, letting certain stereotypes stay in the forefront of my mind.

For those of you that know me, you know that I am bi-racial. My mother is white and my father is black. They had a very tumultuous relationship and my father was not the best of husbands. I held onto a lot of hurt following my parents divorce and throughout the years, I have had a difficult time re-connecting with my father's side of the family. Also, it didn't help that I grew up in a very tiny town, where variety wasn't the spice of life. We were one of the only families that were of another ethnicity. I didn't have the opportunity to grow up around my family's Caribbean culture and find that even now I am struggling to fit in.

It's been hard for me to let go of some of my poor opinions of my father. I love my father but he has never been a trustworthy man in my eyes. I find that I've been wearing a heavy coat of armour because of that. I've always had a difficult time trusting and respecting a man that resembles my father at all. I realize that I've categorized black men in general. Did I think it would be easier to stay blindfolded all my life? To ignore any man that fell into that category? Have I been selling everyone short?

In some cases, I think it was easier for me to ignore. To the gents out there that kiss your teeth; I don't feel that that's a proper greeting. For those of you that think your jeans should sit at your knees; I think you look ridiculous. These things just don't float my boat and have added fuel to the fire. I don't think that will ever change.

But, it turns out that I let my guard down and someone slipped through a crack in my armour. This Jouster made me open my eyes just a little wider. Wide enough for me to realize how closed off I had been. Wide enough for me to realize that I can't judge a book by it's cover. Thank you Jouster. Not just for the nice dinner but for the long deserved kick to my ass. I hope you continue to prove me wrong.

Until next time

Mr. Perfect

  The more we grow as individuals, the more we realize what is important to us in a potential partner and for us in a relationship.  I’ve heard over the years and have experienced for myself that having a ‘list’ can be beneficial.  Figuring out what is a must helps for us to narrow down our Mr. Perfect.

  When I was 19, it was a must for my potential partner to make me laugh, have a car, like going to concerts and to be able to stay up all night to bar hop and dance.  That’s what I remember.  Things have defiantly changed!  A partner with humour is still a must on my list.  A love for music is very important.  A partner with a car, isn't really so necessary.  And well, I no longer bar hop.   

  It’s important to look at where you are now in your life and who will compliment and grow with you.  Everyone should have a list.  I’m not talking about writing out a list of 50 must haves including eye colour, astrological signs and the status of ones abdominals, but a list of characteristics that are important to you.  Which are the characteristics that are definite have not’s?  Which ones are must haves?  And which characteristics would be a nice bonus?

  During my dating experiences, I’ve learned about which traits and characteristics are my must haves and have not’s.  For me, my list is as follows;

Have Not’s:  I can’t stand someone who; is rude, doesn’t take responsibility for his own actions, is petty, self-centered, undependable and always thinks of himself as the victim. 

Must Haves:  I need someone who; will make me laugh, that will communicate, that is willing to take a risk and try something new, has a passion, that is confident and driven and that has patience when life gives us ups and downs.

Bonuses:  I’d be even happier if; he can cook (because I can’t!), enjoys live music, is interested in travelling together, loves animals and has a smile that’s contagious.

  When you write out your own list, it helps you to realize what is actually important for you in a potential partner.  Your list will always be changing as you continue to grow as an individual, but you’ll see that some of the characteristics on your list will never waiver.  Look for someone that carries those traits.  He’ll be the one that you’ve been looking for.  Hopefully he’ll be your Mr. Perfect.  Happy hunting ladies!

Till next time